Who Are You?

There are some things in life that we can control, and there are many that we can’t. Many people seem to get this confused. In order to be successful and empowered to change the things we can control, we must first come to a realistic assessment of the things that we can’t control, and be comfortable with, and like who we are. We can’t change who we are, but we can change how we are. Let me explain what I mean. I am a short, stocky, hairy man. I was born in Oak Ridge Tennessee in 1960. This is my reality. I cannot change who I am. I cannot wish myself taller. I cannot change my age, etc. What I can change is my own mind and heart and strive to be a better man. I can change “how” I view and approach life. I accept my reality, and I like it.
There is a popular idea that we can create our own reality. If you think seriously about this, you must conclude that this idea is nonsense. It is not logical. Reality is not something that exists in our minds that we can just will to materialize. Reality exists in and of itself at the will of the Creator, despite what we do, or do not think about it. You live on a real continent, on a real planet that revolves around a real sun. Your thought process and will can’t change that. You live in a real body that you cannot fundamentally change. (You can improve your body by taking proper care of it, but you can’t change it.) We can change reality “to a degree”, but we cannot create it. My reality might be that my back yard is nothing but dirt. I don’t create a new lawn in my mind and will it into existence. I go to Lowes Home Improvement and buy some grass seed and fertilizer. I turn the soil, scatter the seed and fertilizer at the appropriate time, and I make sure it is watered. In so doing, I change the reality of my yard being just dirt to the reality of a yard that is covered in grass. (Theoretically speaking, of course. I have never been very good at doing this!)
What is reality? “the world or the state of things as they actually exist, as opposed to an idealistic or notional idea of them.” Ideologies are notions that we have about the way things “should be” or how we wish they were, not a factual assessment of what they really are. Ideologies can serve a good purpose, (provided they are “good” ideologies. Granted, there are plenty of bad ideologies.) Ideologies help us envision how we can change reality to make it better, but they do not necessarily represent reality. Let’s look at a simple example to show what I mean by this. Suppose you are overweight. You have 100 pounds of excess weight that is causing health problems. That is your reality. You do not “create” a new reality by thinking in your mind that you are 100 pounds lighter. You “change” your reality by diet and exercise. So, if your ideology is “I can change my reality by taking the necessary steps”, then your ideology serves a good purpose, but your ideology, in and of itself, does not change your reality. Simply thinking, “I can change my reality by taking the necessary steps” does not change your reality. You must actually take the necessary steps, not just think about, and acknowledge them! Thinking about, and acknowledging the necessary steps, without actually taking them, is just wishing. As my wise old grandmother was fond of saying, “Wish in one hand, and (explicit, indicating a function of the bowels) in the other hand, and see which one gets full first.”
Idealistically, I would like to believe that people are basically good. This is a popular idea. This would make life much simpler. The idea goes something like this: “People are basically good, and they go astray (turn bad) because of bad influences, and not having the right opportunities. If people are provided the right (good) influences, and given the right opportunities to excel, they will turn out to be good people. Children are born like a blank slate, and those that raise and care for them either write good or bad stuff on that slate.” This is a pleasant ideal, and the idea fuels much of how parenting and education is done. There is one problem with the idea, however. It does not correspond to reality. There are plenty of examples of children who are born in ideal circumstances, children who are raised by good, loving, and nurturing parents, who turn out to be bad people. Transversely, there are also plenty of examples of children who are born into deplorable circumstances and/or raised by uncaring and abusive parents, who overcome and turn out to be good people. In order for any idea to be valid, it must correspond to reality. Saying that people are inherently good (in the moral and ethical sense) is not true. There is a Biblical answer to this dilemma, but I won’t get into that right now. All one must do is conduct a cursory review of world history to learn that human beings are NOT basically good. It seems like all we have been doing is killing each other since the beginning of time! Something has gone drastically wrong with the human race.
In order to bring about good in the world, we must first accurately assess what reality is, and work to change it, to make it better, not pretend that it is something that it is not, and live under the delusion of wishful thinking. We need to positively assess the good that does exist and be thankful for it. That empowers us to take the necessary action to change what needs to be changed. If we do not start with an attitude of thankfulness for all that is good, we are starting our journey towards changing that which needs to be changed on an empty tank, so to speak. That journey, even if started with the best intentions, will come to a speedy end in failure.
Some people live with the outlook that life is basically bad, and they view life from that perspective. This leads to a grim view of life, and that outlook is not based on reality. Other people think that if they ignore the bad, and just pretend that everything is good that life will be OK. That outlook is also not based on reality. The reality is that there is plenty of good and bad in the world. Life, and the world that we live in, is a huge paradox. Viewing life as basically bad and hopeless leads to nihilism. Viewing life as all good ignores the evil around us and leads us to complacency.
We live in an age when social justice warriors abound. In one sense, this is a good thing. It is good for people to get involved in social issues that they feel passionate about. Granted, I do contend that some social justice movements are misguided and/or misinformed, but the fact that people feel the need to do something to make the world a better place is a positive thing, so I do not discredit the intention. However, I think far too many people want to focus on the immediate, big picture issue (whatever the “cause” is,) while ignoring the small picture issue, which is their own moral character. You can’t ignore your own moral character and jump straight to the cause, because, in so doing, you poison the problem resolution process. If you want to “save the planet” by championing the cause of cleaning up the environment (which is certainly a noble goal), but your own house or apartment is a total wreck because you don’t clean up after yourself, perhaps you should start improving the planet by making your own bed, and then move on to your own neighborhood, then your city, and work your way outwards to the planet! It is comical to me that so many career politicians, many of whom are millionaires, and some even billionaires, rail on about how evil capitalism is, when, they themselves have become rich through a capitalistic economy. Many of them will espouse the virtues of socialism, and rant on about income inequality, and do absolutely nothing using their own money to make the lives of those around them better. They preach to society at large about the redistribution of wealth and do nothing about what they have the power to control, which is their own money.
That brings up another interesting point. You don’t solve any serious problem simply by getting on social media and ranting about it. All that does is get it off your chest temporarily. It doesn’t solve anything. It doesn’t correct any problems. You might argue, “My expressing my views might change another person’s thinking, so it can be useful in changing things for the better!” That is not what I have witnessed on social media. People gravitate towards others who share their views, and ignore, or argue back at others who don’t. I am of the opinion that most social media is not an effective method of changing anyone’s mind about anything. If anything, it only serves to solidify our own predetermined ideas and opinions. Through social media, we tend to become even more intrenched in our predetermined ideas.
Leading a mentally and emotionally healthy life begins with becoming comfortable in your own skin and accepting who you are first. You must first become reconciled to reality before you can work to change it. Part of this involves recognizing and admitting your own prejudices and preconceived ideas about things and the negative impact those things may have on your perspective. For example, some of the members of my biological family expressed racist ideas to me when I was growing up. Rather than me denying that I was affected by these ideas, I must honestly admit that I did, for a while, incorporate some of those ideas into my own way of thinking, either intentionally, or subconsciously. Only then can I take the necessary steps to change my thinking in a positive way, and work to be a less racist, or better, non-racist person.
We have all been influenced, to some degree, by judgmental ideas about others. Denying that is not reality. Facing that reality is the only thing that empowers us to change for the better.
Who are you? You are SO much more than the reflection you see staring back at you in the bathroom mirror. You are a creation, made in the image of God. As such, you, and everyone else, has infinite worth. But sin (self-will, spiritual rebellion against the One who made you), has distorted that image. Imagine God is staring into a calm body of water and looking at His own reflection. The calmer the water is, the more accurate that reflection is. You ARE that reflection. Now imagine someone throwing a rock into the water. The rock causes ripples, and the image is distorted. Sin is that rock. The One causing the reflection (God) is not changed, but the reflection is changed. That is why mankind is such a paradox. Human beings are both brilliant and creative, and at the same time, ignorant to the realities of life, and destructive. We create, and we destroy. We love, and we kill. We are created as creatures for eternity, and the poison of sin drags us to the grave. It does not have to be this way. Jesus Christ restores the image of God in us. Turn to Him. Learn from Him. Trust Him and obey Him. He will calm that body of water, and restore the reflection of God in you!